The Dragonfly Died

Sad day.

Poor Dragonfly

Poor Dragonfly. Please don't die.

Today, as I ate my lunch out on the comfortable launchair that was no longer in the sun because the days are getting shorter (not looking forward to winter), I heard this little flutter. At first I thought nothing of it. But then I looked over and saw that you had fallen on your back.

I admit that at first I was a little afraid to do anything. You are a big bug, after all.

But you kept struggling, trying so hard to get off the ground. You fluttered your wings and moved your legs like crazy. So, finally, I got up, found a long stick that had blown off one of the trees, and let you latch onto the stick.

Thank you, dragonfly, for not attacking me when picked you up on my stick . . . or when I set the stick back down, upright so you would not land on your back again.

I only worry about you now because you didn't move from that stick. You just stayed there, perched on the end of the stick. What were you thinking? Were you scared too? Were you worried I would smash you?

No worries, little dragonfly. No one wants to step on your large insect body. Gross.

Salt Lake Adventures

It's funny how my world has changed since I started working in Salt Lake. I have seen a few things and talked to some interesting people.

1. One Friday, as I was waiting for the TRAX, a guy came over and sat close to me. He said, "Hi." I said, "Hi," back. Funny how such a simple word can lead to so much more.
   He then decided I was a good person to talk to and proceeded to tell me how he is now "legal" to go to Windover and start his great weekend. He told me about how he knows cops, and kept saying "legal"--whatever that means.
   Then he started talking about how he doesn't get into fights. He walks away. And he has a girlfriend who's waiting for him in Windover. And he takes care of his mom, who is old. And he has a black belt in Karate.
   Hmmm.
   
2. I got on the train and a guy who was listening to the whole conversation said, "I saw that guy in Windover last week. He got mad at a guy and popped him over the head with a bear bottle." He's not supposed to go back.
   And I care why?
   
3. Earlier this week, I was waiting for my train, again. As I was sitting there, a man (a different man) cam over and sat next to me. "My foot hurts," he says. I said something like, "Oh, that's too bad."
   I guess that was my permission to let him proceed to tell me about his big blister on the bottom of his foot. Next thing I know he is telling me all about his gangreen.
   Ewww.
   
4. Today, as I was riding the bus, I saw something interesting. I was close to my bus stop, but a stop before mine were a bunch of cop cars and an ambulance. As we got closer, I finally saw the scene. There was a man on the top of a bus, with his shirt off, and his hands up in the air. The ambulance was standing by in case something happened, and the cops were all gathered around the bus, waiting to see what this crazy guy was going to do.
   I want to know how the guy got on top of the bus, and what he was trying to do. Was he trying to get a better view of his ride... ride the bus without being notices... make a statement?
   
5. This last one is a story I hear... kind of scary.  A little before I left work, a man was shot at the Grand America Hotel. Apparently, he was in military garb and telling everyone he was in training. But he was carrying around a loaded gun.
   Someone called the police, and when the cops arrived, the man shot an officer. So, the cops shot back and ended up killing the guy.
   They don't yet know what the guy was doing or who he is.
   This was only three blocks away from where I work.

Anyway, those are my Salt Lake Adventures.

My Weekly Schedule

Monday

5:30 - woke up and got ready for work
6:30 - boarded the bus
6:30 - 7:30 - slept on the bus
7:30 - got off the bus, boarded the train, got off the train, and walked to work
8:00 - Work
12:00 - lunch break. Breifly. I think it was more like half and hour.
12:30 - back to work
5:00 - rushed out the door to catch the train to my bus stop
5:25 - boarded bus
7:00 - got home and died for the rest of the night. I seriously could not move. I was so tired. At some point I did make Visiting Teaching calls. But that took a ton of energy.
9:00 - took shower
9:30-10:00 - went t bed

Tuesday

5:30 - woke up and got ready for work
6:30 - boarded the bus
6:30 - 7:30 - slept on the bus
7:30 - got off the bus, boarded the train, got off the train, and walked to work
8:00 - Work
12:00 - lunch break. Could have been a little later than this. Don't really remember. I had lunch at some point though. I think it was good. Hmm.
12:30 - back to work
5:00 - rushed out the door to catch the train to my bus stop
5:25 - boarded bus
7:00 - got home, tried to help the sis fix dinner, printed out meeting agendas and training for night's meeting, tried to make some grilled-cheese sandwiches. I think my sister took over cause I was too busy running around the house trying to gather everything together and print out a map to a place in Elk Ridge.
7:30 - rushed out the door and got lost on my way to Elk Ridge.
7:45 - finally arrived at my destination and began my Visiting Teaching
8:00 - rushed out of this sisters house because my councilors were looking for me and asking questions. Had to stop home to grab everything for the meeting.
8:30 - finally started RS Pres. meeting. Whew.
10:00 - meeting ended and I went home
10:15 - finally got a something a little more substantial to eat. I was hungry
11:30 - finally made it to bed.

Wednesday

6:00 - woke up and got ready for work. I was so tired and really didn't want to get up at 5:30
7:00 - drove to work
8:00 - Work
12:00 - Yummy lunch at a place called Bay Leaf Cafe. I had the Jamaican Jerk. Yum. We went out to eat as a department cause one of my co-worker was leaving. Sad.
1:00 - back to work
5:20 - Listened as someone told me I needed to go home cause I looked tired. I felt okay
5:25 - left work and drove home
6:45 - got home and cooked some pizza. Talked to my sis too. That was nice. But also had to get some things together for another meeting
7:30 - Rushed out the door cause I was half an hour late to Institute
7:40 - Arrived late at Institute
8:30 - Had a Popsicle. I know... you're jealous
8:35 - Had a meeting with my RS Visiting Teaching Coordinator
9:45 - Went home and ate and apple.
10:30 - Took a shower
11:00 - went to bed

Today

5:30 - woke up and got ready for work
6:30 - boarded the bus
6:30 - 7:30 - slept on the bus
7:30 - got off the bus, boarded the train, got off the train, and walked to work
8:00 - Work
12:20 - walked to Subway and bought lunch for me and my boss.
12:30 - ate while working
5:00 - rushed out the door to catch the train to my bus stop
5:25 - boarded bus (on bus now)
7:30 - have RS interview with sister
8:00 - Going to visit sister

Hmm. I wonder why my bishop said I was too busy. What time to you think I'll get to bed tonight?

Much Needed Update

Yes, I've been neglecting my sweet, sweet blog. Sorry. :(

But I'm back. . . . for a bit anyway.

So, the updates.

New Job: Yes, I finally did it. I got away from boogie job. Sadly I left poor Jujube to deal with the monster monkeys on her own. (Sorry, Jujube.)

So far I'm liking the job. Nice people. Good work. It's kind of crazy there right now but I feel like my work matters and it's appreciated. And that helps.

Bus: I ride the bus now. Not all the time. I still wait for the day when I can go a whole week without using my gas to get to Salt Lake. (Oh, did I not say that my job is in Salt Lake?) Yes, I commute from Payson to downtown Salt Lake. Crazy? Yes.


Sadly, my bus dreams are not coming true. My girlie, need-a-date desire was that a cute guy would befriend me on the bus and one thing would lead to another. And the next thing I would know is the two of us walking hand in hand on cloud nine. Oh well. I'll just have to find some other way to meet cute, cloud-nine guy.

New ward/new calling: I was keeping this one a secret from a lot of people in my last job because I didn't need monkeys jumping all over me, tying to force me to become a monkey. But I joined the new Payson singles ward. Shocking, I know. But I guess it was about time. The only thing is that upon joining this brand-new ward, I was made RS Pres. Scary. But it has been good. I can definitely see the blessings. But that would be he reason I have not moved to SLC yet to be closer to my job.

Broken shoe: Today, i wore my really, really cute yellow almost-gladiator sandals. And ten minutes before leaving work, my shoe broke. Not a good thing 'cause I still had to walk to the tracks a couple blocks away and catch my bus. Luckily I found someone with super glue. Sadly, I don't know how much longer these shoes will last. And I really like these shoes. Oh well. I guess it just means I have a great excuse to go shopping.

This strawberry still has not found a good mango: And I'm not really working on it. Plus, I don't really know how to. How do I find my Maddog with little time, long commutes to SLC, and a really young singles ward? Let me know if you have any suggestions.

For now that's about it. I wish I had something really funny or embarrassing to share like the time I spilled Dr. Pepper all over the floor of that restaurant.

Today I Watched

Today I watched as this poor man crossing the street almost got hit by a Ringger car.

Today I watched as Jujube said "hi" in her own way of boxing the air in front of my face.

Today I watched the funniest canvas war as the seemingly missing canvas suddenly showed up on the hallway wall.

Today I watched as Jujube went to find someone to open Duck's office only to find that his office was wide open the entire time.

Today I watched as Jujube put her stuffed lion in a plastic bag and hung him on my cubicle wall. She did this to her own stuffed child...

Today I watched as my IM screen filled up with "Shut it! Shut it! Shut it!"--not talking to me but about the queen. I hope...

Today I watched as time went by, as the day wore on, as Jujube decided we were crazy because of multiple strikes against us (some being English majors, work, hometown, teachers, experiences, etc. that just happen to be the same).

Today, really, was just a great day to watch. (Should have had some popcorn.)

Messed Up Fairytales

After a very interesting conversation this morning I realize that although I have been guilty of the fairytale day dream, I'm not so sure I want one to come true for me. Take the following into account:

Snow White
Being the fairest maiden of them all comes with its problems, namely blond disorder. After receiving the threat of being killed by her wicked step mother, she goes into a stranger's house and begins cleaning. And after only knowing Snow White for a very short time... is it just cause she's fair... are the dwarfs hoping for something more... they let her stay. Then, Snow White takes food from a stranger. Sure, we think we should be able to trust all little old women. But...really?

Not much later, the dwarfs encase Snow White's body in a glass tomb because she is so fair. And a prince, after seeing her only a few seconds, decides to kiss her corpse. Ew.(Thank you, Bill, for this new insight on Snow White.)

Next case: Cinderella
It's the shoe that really bothers me. The prince has only known Cinderella for a few short hours while dancing with her. He was so taken by her that he must search the whole kingdom to find her, but he only has a glass shoe to go by. So he tries it on all the maidens. Only one, ONE, person fit the shoe. Who's to say he really found the girl he danced with last night? I think he was more in love with the shoe than the woman.

Final case: Rapunzel
I must admit that Rapunzel is my favorite fairy tale and I wouldn't be surprised to find myself writing my own version. But, I wonder if Rapunzel loved the prince as much as she claims. After her prince's eyes were poked out, she stayed in a cottage, not looking for him. It was he who wandered all over and finally came upon her. When she does finally see him again, she sheds tears and, voila, he is healed.

The part that bothers me the most. He found her. He didn't stay in his room, living a comfortable life with servants to cater to his every need. He went after her... the entire story. And she did nothing. Just expected him to do everything. (I might reverse the roles for modern day.)

There you have it. Messed up fairytales. I think I'd prefer to keep my blond head out of it all, make sure my prince has other requirements other than feet, and find an equal relationship where both parties work together.

Child's Fire: Part 5 (final)

Brita’s body tightens as if she is trying to hold something in. She doesn’t want to continue, but Mr. Strong looks mean and impatient, like he might hurt her.

The explosion. The fire. The lady was mad and I was cold. Suddenly, the room was only fire. My dancing friends were back. And they danced on everything. Everywhere. Fast. And it grew and grew real big. The fire was mad. The woman screamed. The men screamed. I heard many screams very fast. I was scared and I closed my eyes. And the fire danced and licked me sometimes but never hurt me. It wasn’t mad at me. It wanted to hurt the lady and the man.

I stayed under the table until it was gone. The table was gone and the building was gone. I was alone. I cried and cried until I dreamed. I dreamed of fire. I only dream of fire now. It doesn’t go away, and it is not my friend anymore. It wants to be, but I hate it. It’s a killer.

How did you get out of the building, or the rubble from the building?

Brita screams and Mr. Strong and Mr. Hanning look nervous. But Brita believes they are mad and want her to continue.

A man with a hose found me. He sprayed water all over me. He didn’t see me. He didn’t see that the fire was already gone. He sprayed everywhere and I shivered and started crying again. He picked me up and carried me to a truck with flashing lights. Told me he would take care of me. Told me I would see my daddy again.

Dr. Scott looks at the men behind him.

Is that as far as you wanted to go today?

Mr. Strong, who has been glancing at his watch every thirty seconds nods, with a look of relief. He and Mr. Hanning stand without a word. Brita watches as the two men leave the room. Just before the door closes, Brita calls out.

Mr. Hanning, please don’t leave me.

It’s okay, Brita. I just have to go talk to my secretary and then you can go. Can you wait right here until I come back?

Mr. Hanning closes the door. Dr. Scott puts his pen and notepad on the desk next to the dead flowers. He leans close to Brita and whispers.

Do you know who is behind the mirror, Brita?

No.

Bad people, Brita. They want to hurt your daddy and Riley. They are mean and they want to hurt you. They are watching you because they want to take you away where you will never see your daddy again.

Brita begins breathing faster, hiccupping faster.

Why?

They are bad, bad people.

Dr. Scott looks out the window and raises his voice.

It’s okay, Brita. I just have to go talk to my secretary and then you can go. Can you wait right here until I come back?

Brita tries to clamp her mouth shut but the hiccups prevent her. She is scared to be alone. She shakes her head at Dr. Scott.

It’s okay, Brita. I’ll be back.

Dr. Scott leaves the room. Brita looks at the mirror, then at the door. She runs to open the door, but it is locked. Her breathing is louder and quicker. Her hands become warm, and warmer, and warmer. She looks down and sees sparks dancing in her palms. She starts screaming.

Help me. Dr. Scott. Help me. Mr. Hanning. Mr. Strong. Heelllp meeee.

The sparks grow bigger and jump from her hands onto the carpet and chairs and walls. It consumes the dead flowers and quickly spreads throughout the room. Brita hears screaming from behind the mirror. The fire attacks the glass and explodes. Brita runs through the giant flames to the window; the oak desk is gone, eaten by the fire. She looks to the street below and sees Mr. Hanning, Mr. Strong and Dr. Scott watching from across the street.

Child's Fire: Part 4

He is hurt real bad. The fire got real mean after it hurt my mommy ‘cause I didn’t want to play anymore. I cried and told the fire to go away, so it smooshed my brother. His face looks bad, red and puffy. Like a burnt marshmallow.

Tell me about when Mr. Hanning and Mr. Strong met you.

Brita looks at the men behind the doctor. Mr. Strong looks impatient but Mr. Hanning smiles.

I didn’t like them at first.

They came the day after my mommy’s funeral. Riley, my brother, was still sleeping. I was crying, but I don’t want to cry anymore. I try and try but sometimes the tears escape. How do you stop tears? My mommy would know. She would tell me. But I can’t stop them. I can’t stop fire and I can’t stop crying.

Brita’s eyes widen and she looks like she will scream, but she breathes hard to hold back.

I never want to cry. I never want to scream. I never want to laugh. I never want to cry.

Dr. Scott looks alarmed, he wants explanation from Mr. Hanning and Mr. Strong, but he continues.

Will you continue to tell me about when you left with Mr. Hanning and Mr. Strong?

Brita lowers her shoulders and relaxes. But her breathing remains heavy.

I was sitting by my brother’s bed, just watching. Just thinking about the fire. My daddy was in the hall, whispering about the fire and crying. Mr. Hanning and Mr. Strong came in and said they wanted to buy me an ice-cream. Daddy said I should go.

Mr. Hanning held my hand as we passed the other rooms on our way to the cafeteria. He pulled out a chair for me, like a prince. I like him. He treated me like a princess. Even bought me a crown at the airport. It was sparkly and pink.

Brita half smiles at Mr. Hanning, careful not to let the corners of her mouth crease too far. Then she looks at Mr. Strong and shrinks.

Mr. Strong asked many questions about my mommy and about the fire. I didn’t like his questions. He scared me. Then he said he wanted to take me somewhere. Somewhere I would be safe from the fire. I didn’t want to go, I told him. I wanted to stay with my daddy.

But, we flew on a plane. I have never been in a plane before. It was long but fun. I fell asleep and then Mr. Hanning poked me and told me we were there. He carried me off of the plane. He took me to a small room, not like a princess’s room. It was small and bright. White walls, lots of light. But I fell asleep. The blankets were soft. They reminded me of the dream I had about being covered in burnt marshmallows. Except the covers were not sticky and gooey. I told the dream to Johny once and he told me he would buy a hundred marshmallows, burn them, and throw them at me.

Do you remember what happened the next day when you woke up?

‘Course I do.

Will you tell me about it?

Mr. Hanning came in to get me. We walked through a long hall. I saw Vicky and Johny go into a room, but the door was shut when we walked past. Mr. Hanning said we had to eat breakfast and meet some people. He took me to a room with windows everywhere. And there was a table with pancakes and sausage and eggs and milk and orange juice and potato things… Mr. Hanning said I could eat as much as I wanted as long as I listened to the people behind the glass and answered their questions…

Brita’s eyes narrow.

Those people are bad, bad people.

What did they do?

They’re just bad. Bad, bad, bad, bad.

Brita, I need to you tell me what they did.

I don’t want to.

Mr. Strong grunts and Brita shrinks again.

Brita, do you want to see your daddy?

Yes.

Then tell me what the people behind the glass did.

Brita sticks out her lower lip and bows her head.

There were three. A man, another man, and the mean woman. The woman looked like my teacher Mrs. Remming. Her hair was tight and pulled on her cheeks.

She didn’t smile. She asked me if I like fire. I told her yes but it killed my mommy. She said she wanted to see me play. She left with the men and I waited for some dolls to play with. But she didn’t come back. I looked around the room but there were no toys.

So I sat down and ate a sausage. It tasted good but it was cold. I tried the pancakes and eggs and they were as cold as ice cream. I don’t think the lady with the bun can cook very good.

Then the room got really cold. I shivered and my teeth made noises. I started to yell. I hoped maybe Mr. Hanning would come get me. But my fingers felt like icicles and I couldn’t pick up more sausage. I started to cry. I hated the window room. I wanted my mommy. I wanted my daddy. I crawled under the table and made myself into a ball.

Brita holds back another sob with a hiccup.

Then I heard the woman’s voice, on the intercom. She asked me what was wrong. I said it was cold. She said it needed to be cold so she could see me play. I started to cry. She started yelling at me about fire. But I just cried.

Brita hiccups three times, loudly.

I didn’t mean it to happen. I know it was my fault.

What was your fault?

Child's Fire: Part 3

Were you dreaming?

Yeah. It was a scary dream. Someone in a black robe was chasing me. I ran and ran. But he caught me. And I was so scared and I screamed. Then there was red everywhere.

And when you woke up?

Brita’s eyes are closed tight and her fists are clenched.

There was still red everywhere. All over my room, on my bed, on my window, at my door. But it didn’t hurt me. So I wasn’t scared and I started to dance. Like the nympie things I saw on a movie once. I danced and the fire danced. Then my mommy came in and she screamed. Her face looked like my jack-o-lantern. The scared one.

She called my dad who saw and got my brother. My mom couldn’t get through the fire. She tried and burned her arm. When she screamed I ran to her. But the fire told me she was okay. It was her fault.

Mommy kept yelling, “Brita, we gotta go. Brita, Brita, Brita.” She grabbed my arm real tight and dragged me away from the fire. But the fire didn’t want us to go. It followed us out my bedroom door, down the hall, into the kitchen—did a little dance on the countertop, I laughed—and out the house. Mommy ran and I tried to go back to the fire.

Your mother made it out, out of the house?

We all got out. Mommy, daddy, me, Riley, the dog.

Then, can you tell me how she died?

Tears are stream down Brita’s face. She squeezes her eyes tighter.

It was an accident. A bad, bad accident. I didn’t want to lose the fire. I told it to follow. It would be okay. If we could dance, everything would be okay. It skipped to me. My mom yanked me away and I screamed. “Let me go,” I told her.

Brita lets out a sob but hides it with a hiccup.

I remember that is what I said. “Let me go. I want to be with the fire.”

My mom had a strange look on her face and started to cry. She grabbed me real tight and hugged me; she squeezed and squeezed. I wriggled and wriggled. She wouldn’t let go. The fire got mad and attacked her. Came right over her head and grabbed her.

Brita hiccups again.

I tried to stop the fire. But it told me it couldn’t stop. Once it starts, it doesn’t stop.

Dr. Scott pauses. He notices Brita’s shoulders shaking. He hands her the handkerchief from his jacket pocket. She looks at it and scrunches her face, trying to stop the tears.

What is this?

It’s like a tissue.

Brita sticks out her lower lip.

I don’t want it.

Dr. Scott sets it on the table beside Brita’s bed-like chair.

You may lie down if it will make you feel better.

Brita looks at the cushion.

No. I just want to see my daddy.

Dr. Scott looks at the two men behind him again. Mr. Strong points to his watch.

Can you tell me what happened to your brother, Brita?